Wizards Online
by RosexScorpius4ever
Summary: What would Hogwarts have been like if they had had an online messaging system? May I present to you, W.O.L otherwise known as Wizards Online! Silly and very OOC so no flames concerning that please. Not interested, don't read! Rated M for safety!
1. Transfiguration

**~W.O.L~**

**Hogwarts is proud to present a new generation of ways to collaborate with peers. The guidelines are:**

**-You can use it in class.**

**-You can't use it on tests or exams.**

**-You can help people on homework.**

**-It must be used productively in class.**

**-Have fun!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

**A/N:** Pretend like Harry already defeated Voldemort and anyone who would normally be dead is alive. Thanks!

**A/A/N:** Also, I revamped this A LOT from the original version to edit out HG/DM and to make my writing more up-to-date. Thanks and please proceed!

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 1 – Transfiguration

Hermione made her way down the Transfiguration corridor to Professor McGonagall's classroom. She knew she would be early but she had not been very hungry.

She entered the classroom and was correct in that she gave her professor a shock.

"Miss Granger! What are you doing here so early?" asked McGonagall surprised.

"Sorry Professor but I dashed to the library before breakfast then I wasn't hungry so I figured I might as well come here," babbled Hermione. She realized this and blushed, taking her seat.

"Alright. You might as well get comfortable though because class isn't due to start for another 10 minutes." Professor McGonagall looked back down and continued scribbling her lesson plan on a sheet of parchment.

Hermione opened her bag to take out her iPad and logged on to the new school homepage. She started typing in the information for creating a new account.

**Name: **Hermione Granger

**Year: **7th

**House: **Gryffindor

**Screen-name: **Brainiac411

**Brainiac411 has signed on**

**Darkness had sign on**

**Brainiac411: **Who are you?

**Darkness: **I thought you were supposed to be smart Granger. It's me Draco

**Brainiac411: **Oh hey, Malfoy. You suck

**Darkness: **… … explain?

**Brainiac411: ***sighs* you've tried countless times to get Hagrid sacked

**Roonaldwaslib has signed on**

**Roonaldwaslib: **Hey hermy – oh – ninny

**Brainiac411: **I've told you countless times to stop calling me that Ronald!

**Darkness: ***snickers in corner*

**Roonaldwaslib: **shove it Malfoy

**Scarhead has signed on**

**Scarhead: **hey ma home slices!

**Redhead has signed on**

**Redhead: **Harry, dear, how many times have I told you not to act cool?

**Darkness: **don't worry; I don't think he's gotten there yet. Hey, Potter

**Scarhead: **Hey, Malfoy. It was actually you who gave me the inspiration to use this name

**Darkness: ***pretends to blush* I'm flattered

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Students starting pouring into Transfiguration so Hermione signed off and began taking notes.

**Brainiac411 has signed off**

**Roonaldwaslib: **Hermy – oh – ninny, nooooooo!

**Scarhead, Darkness, and Redhead: **Didn't she tell u 2 stop calling her dat?

**Roonaldwaslib: ***rolls eyes* what's ur point?

**Scarhead: **Gin, wat class r you in?

**Redhead:** CoMC (care of magical creatures) and ull never believe what I just found out!

**Darkness: **wat?

**Scarhead: **wat?

**Roonaldwaslib: **wat?

**Redhead: **Hagrid has a screen name! And ull never believe wat it is!

**Darkness: **wat?

**Scarhead: **wat?

**Roonaldwaslib: **wat?

**Redhead: **hottyhaggar!

**Darkness: **O

**Scarhead: **MA

**Roonaldwaslib: **GAWD!

**Redhead: **omg, ikr! Roflmfao. K, I gotta go walk a blast-ended screwt. Peace!

**Roonaldwaslib:** … …

**Redhead has signed off**

**Slyman has signed on**

**Brainiac411 has signed on**

**Darkness: **hey Blaise, finally a real guy 2 talk 2

**Scarhead: **I'm insulted Malfoy! And here I thought we were ponytail having, skirt wearing, nail polish buddies!

**Roonaldwaslib: **I don't even no u anymore Malfoy! *fake cries*

**Slyman: **Let me guess, Potter & Weasley?

**Scarhead: **wat gave us away?

**Slyman: **ur screen-name and let's face it, when u get 1 u always get the other

**Roonaldwaslib: **Dats true. Hey Hermy – oh – ninny! When did u get here?

**Brainiac411: **right after Blaise you moron! *sticks tongue out*

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hermione turned around and stuck her tongue out at Ron who was silently laughing.

**Scarhead: **Oh man! Burn, she got u good Ron! ahaha

**Brainiac411: **½ u guys taken ne notes this whole class?

**Darkness: **No

**Scarhead: **No

**Roonaldwaslib: **Noperu!

**Slyman: **I'm not even in ur class! I'm in Charms

**Scarhead: **can we please have ur notes Hermione?

**Roonaldwaslib: **please?

**Scarhead: **come on guys help us out! Blaise tht means no working when u have this class

**Slyman: **Fine

**Darkness: **plz

**Slyman: **plz

**Scarhead: **plz

**Roonaldwaslib: **plz

**Darkness: **plz

**Slyman: **plz

**Scarhead: **plz

**Roonaldwaslib: **plz

**Brainiac411: **UGH! FINE! **Uploaded: notes from Transfiguration 10/11/98**

**Darkness: **thx

**Darkness has signed off**

**Slyman: **thx

**Slyman has signed off**

**Scarhead: **thx

**Scarhead has signed off**

**Roonaldwaslib: **thx, look's like it's just u and me hermy – oh – ninny

**Brainiac411 has signed off**

**Roonaldwaslib: **Nope, just me

**Roonaldwaslib has signed off**

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

They all put their handhelds away just as the bell rang and left to head off to Potions.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

A/N: Please review!


	2. Potions

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this I swear!

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 2 – Potions

Hermione, Ron, and Harry walked into Potions class to see only Neville sitting in the back with his handheld open.

"Hey Neville," said Hermione, sitting down next to him.

Harry and Ron sat behind them incase she decided to take her rage on them again. All three of them took out their handhelds as other students casually started walking in.

**Brainiac411 has signed on**

**F.A.G.S has signed on**

**RandH4eva has signed on**

**PlAnTeR: **Hey guys, wats ^?

**Brainiac411: **Not much Neville, Harry & Ron; wat ½ u done 2 ur names?

**F.A.G.S: **Mine is abbreviated. It stands for: Fame and Glory sucks :D I've already gotten a million ppl asking me whether I'm gay or straight!

**PlAnTeR:** *rolls virtual eyes*

**RandH4eva: **HARRY! DID U HACK IN2 MY ACCOUNT & CHANGE MY NAME?

**F.A.G.S: **Um…no…

**Darkness has signed on**

**Mrs. Malfoy has signed on**

**Darkness: **Nice name Potter, so uve finally admitted it?

**F.A.G.S: **I AM NOT GAY!

**Mrs. Malfoy: **Did u guys here wat happened 2 Professor Snape 2day?

**Brainiac411: **No, wat?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

At that precise moment Snape walked furiously into the dungeon with long flowey blond hair! He slammed the door shut and took out his wand.

"Today we'll be doing a hair changing potion which will count for half of your grade," he said furiously. "I'll try the best one, it should be the color midnight blue by the end of the class."

**F.A.G.S: **O

**PlAnTeR: **MA

**RandH4ever: **GAWD!

**Brainiac411: **hoo did tht 2 him?

**Darkness: **Well…

**Riddlehater has signed on**

**Riddlehater: **hey guys, did u c Snape's hair?

**Mrs. Malfoy: **Speak of the devil and the devil shall b summoned lmfao

**F.A.G.S: **Ginny! U did tht 2 Snape?

**Riddlehater: **Yup. Lyk my new name?

**RandH4eva: **Wat is it? Tom Riddle?

**Riddlehater: **DUH!

**Darkness:** Who's Tom Riddle?

**Brainiac411:** Long story…

**Riddlehater:** Ron, wat the hell did u do 2 ur name?

**F.A.G.S: **Yea Ron, wat evr did u do 2 it?

**RandH4eva: **o, shut up Harry. Harry did it.

**Darkness: **O, I get it now! Nice 1, Potter! *virtually high fives*

**F.A.G.S: **Nice 2 no some1 appreciates it, cuz it's 2 true

**Mrs. Malfoy: **I didn't no u had it in u, Harry!

**F.A.G.S: **… … did u just call me Harry?

**Mrs. Malfoy has signed off**

**Darkness has signed off**

**RandH4eva: **wat was tht about? Parkinson actually called u Harry?

**Riddlehater: **I'll kill her l8tr

**RandH4eva: **SO WILL SOME1 TELL ME WAT THIS FREAKIN' NAME MEANS?

**F.A.G.S: ***sigh* why do I ½ 2 b sitting next 2 him in class?

Harry got up and moved his supplies and the potion he was brewing next to Dean.

**Brainiac411: **Oh Ron, your so thick

**Brainiac411 has signed off**

**Riddlehater: **do you get it now?

**RandH4eva: **… … HARRY R U KIDDING ME?

**F.A.G.S has signed off**

**RandH4eva has signed off**

**Riddlehater has signed off**

Snape was prowling the classroom looking for the best potion. He walked past Ron's and smirked. He passed Hermione's perfect as usual. Then he past Harry's. AMAZING! This one was even better then Draco's, his favorite student and godson.

"All right Potter, I can't believe I'm saying this but your potion is the best." He grimaced as he said it. He was just like his mother, especially those eyes. He had Lily's emerald green eyes.

Everyone stared at him, especially Granger, shocked that he had awarded Harry the best potion. He brought the vile up to his desk, poured a bit on his head: and got red hair! For all it was worth he could have been reconciled a Weasley.

Harry took out his handheld and took a video of Snape's hair turning orange.

**PottyweePotter: **Sends file **NeWsNaPeHaIr **to: Ginny, Hermione, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, Dean, Seamus, Cedric, Blaise, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, Madam Pince, Hagrid, Trelawney, Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley, Fred, George, Percy, Bill, Charlie, and Ron.

**Darkness has signed on**

**Darkness: ****Opens NeWsNaPeHaIr file**

**PottyweePotter: **u were there! Send it 2 ppl if I forgot them, k?

**Darkness: **K, peace

**Darkness has signed off**

Harry collected his stuff and headed off to lunch.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

A/N: Read and review!


	3. Lunch

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own it!

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 3 – Lunch

When Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into the Great Hall along with everyone else, they looked up at the Head Table and received a shock. Every Professor (even Professor Dumbledore) was using a handheld and chatting.

**Minster has signed on**

**Lemon Drop King: **Hello, Prof. McGonagall

**Minster: **Hello, hoo else is here?

**SpRoUt: **Prof. Sprout here!

**SexySnape: **Prof. Snape here

**Charmed: **Prof. Flitwick here!

**Minster:** Severus, y didn't u use an exclamation pt?

**SexySnape:** Cuz I'm not in a cheerful mood, rite now

**Charmed:** r u evr? & wats w/ ur name?

**SexySnape:** my account was hacked…

**SpRoUt:** _lies_

**Lemon Drop King: **Minerva, wherever did u get tht name?

**Minster: **1 of the many tht Sirius Black & James Potter nicknamed me

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Harry, having read this conversation, spat out his pumpkin juice all over Parvati, who screamed and ran out soaked in it. Harry paid no attention to this and stared shocked at the screen.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Lemon Drop King: **O yes, I do remember their days here. Hardly a pair of boys u could/would find inseparable. Except when they were in separate detentions.

**SexySnape: ***snorts* even then they weren't separated

**Minster: **O, u were in their year, weren't u Severus?

**SexySnape:** I was indeed

**Charmed:** Wat do u mean evn then they weren't separated?

**SexySnape: **They had charmed mirrors, so they could tlk 2 each other. Mr. Potter had 1 4 some time.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hermione and Ron spat out their pumpkin juice too.

"You never told us that, Harry!" she cried indignantly.

Harry shrugged and continued reading the conversation.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Lemon Drop King: **O yes, Harry told me tht Sirius gave it 2 him be4 he strtd Occlumency lessons. Needless 2 say, u & Sirius both no how 2 hold a grudge evn aftr all those yrs.

**SexySnape has logged off**

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Snape flounced out of the Great Hall, attracting many stares at his hair most of the people whom Harry and Malfoy sent the video to.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Charmed: **Remember when Sybil joined us the 1 year 4 the Christmas feast

**SpRoUt: **Oh, i do! She wondered where Prof. Lupin was and was horrified tht there were 13 ppl the table, including her

**Minster: **_'The first to rise is the first to die!'_

**Lemon Drop King: **And thn Harry & Ron rose the same time & she freaked out

**Charmed: **_'Which one of you got up first?'_

**SpRoUt: **& Minerva got pissed & said unless there was an ax-man outside she doubted anything would happen 2 them

**Lemon Drop King: **i forgot tht! Roflmfao

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The whole Gryffindor table spat out their pumpkin juice.

"How the hell does Dumbledore know that?" asked Ginny shocked.

They all just shook their heads and continued reading.

**SpRoUt, Minster, and Charmed: **Wht in the world does tht mean?

**Lemon Drop King: ***laughs hysterically lyk hyena* i'd rather not say, ask Ginny Weasley i got it from 1 of her conversations

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The whole staff table collapsed on the floor laughing as Ginny put her head in her hands. Everyone in the Great Hall whipped out their handhelds and recorded the scene and saved the conversation to their profiles.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Minster has logged off**

**Charmed has logged off**

**SpRoUt has logged off**

**T.C.O has signed on**

**Lemon Drop King: **The Chosen One, Harry? Rely?

**T.C.O: ** least someone i no gets it & I couldn't think of anything else

**Lemon Drop King: ***chuckles*

**T.C.O: **So, how did u learn wat tht meant from Ginny's convo?

**Lemon Drop King: ** well, it took me a bit but deductive reasoning has always been a skill of mine

**T.C.O: **… … awkward

**Lemon Drop King: **Yep

**T.C.O: **Oh, sir? Can i ask u 1 more thing?

**Lemon Drop King: **I daresay u can

**T.C.O: ***grins* may i?

**Lemon Drop King: **u certainly may

**T.C.O: **why'd u choose tht particular sn?

**Lemon Drop King: **Oh, well i enjoy lemon drops very much. In fact it's the only Muggle sweet i enjoy, the rest r just sour.

**T.C.O: **O okay, ahaha. I'll ttyl sir; I have to get to Divination. _'The first to rise is the first to die!' _Plus I ½ 2 get prepared 4 another prediction on my death.

**Lemon Drop King: **ahaha, k, bi Harry

**Lemon Drop King has logged off**

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Harry closed his handheld laughing and headed to Divination with Ron.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

A/N: Please review!


	4. Dinner

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it!

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 4 – Dinner

Hermione walked alone to dinner that evening since she had been coming from Arithmancy and Harry and Ron just had divination. She couldn't wait to rub it in their faces that they had no homework tonight when she heard from a reliable source that Trelawney gave everyone loads.

She walked into the Great Hall, sat next to Ron and Harry, and took out her handheld.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**IKIA has signed on**

**IKIA: **hey guys

**Bloodred: **hermy – oh – ninny is tht u?

**IKIA: ***will not answer 2 tht name*

**Bloodred: ***groans* fine, Hermione is tht u?

**IKIA: **yes, i changed the name 2 something Snape would approve of

**DaChosen1: **o yea? Wats tht?

**IKIA: **it's short 4 "insufferable know-it-all"

**SexySnape: **I approve Miss Granger

**SexySnape has signed off**

**DaChosen1: **Tht was mildly disturbing

**Bloodred: **mildly?

**IKIA: **ha-ha

**Bloodred: ***glows w/ pride*

**IKIA: **… …

**DaChosen1: **… …

**Bloodred: **:'(

**DaChosen1: **hey, u guys remember Halloween in our 1st yr?

**Bloodred and IKIA: **how could we forget?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The dynamic trio stood up to reenact what happened in their first year Halloween.

"TROLLLLLLLL…IN THE DUNGEON! TROLLLLLLLL! Thought you out to know…" and then collapsed into fits of laughter with the others their age that remembered the scene.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**DaChosen1: **& Quirrell fainted so we all had 2 avoid him

**IKIA: **And I was in the girls' bathroom the whole time crying

**Bloodred: **… cuz of me

**DaChosen1: ***hastens to add* then we chased the troll and locked it in the bathroom

**IKIA: ***rolls virtual eyes* which I so happened 2 be in

**DaChosen1: **And we fought the troll Quirrell sent in

**Bloodred: **and I actually got the levitation spell rite

**DaChosen1: **and u clonked the troll w/ its club on the head

**IKIA: **and _u_ were swinging on its back lyk a bloody lunatic

**DaChosen1: **:P & got troll bogeys on my wand *pukes*

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Draco, who had been reading silently the whole time, cracked a smile at this. He had remembered Quirrell letting the troll in, but had not realized that they had fought the troll.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Sexyredhead has signed on**

**Sexyredhead: **heyy

**Bloodred: **I do NOT approve of tht name

**Sexyredhead: **say 1 word to anyone, espec. Mum, & I'll tell everyone that names mean you're a vampire rite after I castrate u

**Bloodred: **…what conversation?

**Sexyredhead:** Good boy

**Bloodred:** I'm not an animal!

**Sexyredhead:** Rely? U could have fooled me

**DaChosen1: **_Anyway_, remember our second year?...& Riddle?

**Sexyredhead: **how could I forget?

**IKIA: **& Harry stabbed the diary horcrux w/ a basilisk fang

**Bloodred:** & I flew us 2 skool

**DaChosen1:** & nearly got us killed

**Bloodred:** b/c dobby had to protect u

**Sexyredhead: **& Errol collapsed 4 the millionth time on the table

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Draco distinctly remembered the owl falling on food all year but was confused about what a diary horcrux was. Maybe it was the diary his dad brought home that year?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**DaChosen1: **Then fighting Dementors & saving Sirius

**Sexyredhead:** The Triwizard Tournament

**IKIA: **Voldemort coming back, which was creepy on _so_ many levels

**Bloodred: **The Department of Mysteries

**DaChosen1: **Sirius dying :'(

**IKIA: **u stalking Malfoy the whole 6th yr

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Draco raised an eyebrow.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**DaChosen1: **having to deal w/ Kreacher

**Bloodred: **defeating V-V-Voldemort

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"Hey everyone!" called out Harry. "Ron's finally able to say Voldemort's name!"

Ron turned red furiously at the applause, which stood out even more with his red hair.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Bloodred:** Go to hell, Harry

**DaChosen1: **ahaha good times. Well, not really but u no wat I mean

**Sexyredhead: **lmao, c u guys lates. Peace!

**Sexyredhead has signed off**

**IKIA has signed off**

**Bloodred has signed off**

**DaChosen1 has signed off**

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Malfoy hadn't realized how close the dynamic trio was. Of course, he knew they were good friends since Halloween of their first year but none of his friends and him was so close that they've saved each other's lives. He guessed that's why they were in Slytherin. Smart, but quick to save their own backsides.

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A/N: Please review!


	5. Library

**Disclaimer:** Nope, don't own it _still!_

**A/N:** Oh, and this chapter is mainly taken and changed from Lady Arianne of Ambers Valley.

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 5 – Library

Hermione rushed up to the Library after dinner to get some studying in even though N.E.W.T's were month's away.

Unfortunately, she got an urge to take out her handheld to see who was on.

**IKIA has signed on**

**IKIA: **hey

**Sexyredhead: **hey 'Mione, r u in the library?

**IKIA: **yea, y?

**Sexyredhead: **where r u sitting?

**IKIA: **in the back rite in front of the Restricted Section, y?

**Sexyredhead: **o, well I just walked in & you'll never believe wat Trelawney just did

**IKIA: **wat?

**Sexyredhead:** well, she was sitting the table next 2 mine muttering about how the spirits weren't allowing her 2 work her handheld and how it was a sign. Meanwhile, she was holding it backwards and upside down. She got so frustrated she threw it against the wall and it did a mini-explosion leaving a big gaping hole.

**IKIA: **omg, no way! U didn't happen 2 get a video of it did u?

**Sexyredhead: **yep **sends file to IKIA**

**IKIA: opens file** omfg! That's hilarious!

**Sexyredhead: **ikr, I put it on the notice board for every1 2 c

**IKIA:** Awesome. I ½ 2 continue studying. Bi3

**Sexyredhead:** 3

**IKIA has signed off**

**Yomama has signed on**

**Sexyredhead:** Harry?

**Yomama:** Yupperz

**Sexyredhead:** Must u change ur name evry day?

**Yomama:** of course! I lyk 2 keep my sn's in the moment

**Sexyredhead:** I c. where r u?

**Yomama:** the common room, y?

**Sexyredhead:** **sends file to Yomama**

**Yomama:** omfg!

**Sexyredhead:** 'Mione had the same reaction

**Yomama:** I'm gonna send this 2 evry1!

**Yomama has signed off**

**Sexyredhead has signed off**

**Lemondropking has signed on**

**Minnie has signed on**

**Lemon Drop King:** Minerva, do u know where my lemon drops r? I could ½ sworn I had them in my pocket?

**Minnie:** don't u remember? U gave ur last 1 2 severus so he would play a prank on me

**Lemon Drop King:** o yea, how did tht prank go?

**Minnie:** fairly well except it didn't hit me

**Lemon Drop King:** …then hoo?

**Minnie:** let's just say Filius won't b speaking 2 u 4 a while. The prank had an effect on his –

**Lemon Drop King:** k, I get it…wait a sec…

"SEVERUS! UNSWALLOW THAT LEMON DROP OR THE NECK COMES OFF!"

Hermione jumped in surprise and looked around for the source of commotion. Finding nothing, she returned back to her homework.

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A/N: Please review!


	6. Common Room

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own _anything_.

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 6 – Common Room

Hermione was _still_ working in the library by 9:00 at night when she decided she might as well go back to the common room. Her and a few other people walked back so she decided to log on her handheld and talk as she walked.

**Granger has logged on**

**Potter: **is that you 'Mione?

**Granger: **how many other Granger's do u no? very original name btw

**Potter: **I could say the same 2 u. Plus, I'm saving it until I can think of something more beastly

**Granger: **Ah

**Weasley 6: **Never mind tht, 'Mione, uve got 2 get 2 the common room stat

**Granger: **y?

**Weasley 7:** b/c Dumbledore is on a rampage and heading towards the library!

Hermione looked up from her handheld and dived behind a suit of armor as Dumbledore stormed past her.

"Bloody git…can't even unscrew his own neck," mumbled Dumbledore, sending spells at people who got in his way.

**Granger: **What happened 2 him? And y does he want some1's neck unscrewed?

**Potter:** Well…

**Malfoy: **Don't tell her! Not until she's in ur common room

**Granger: **how come?

**Malfoy: **Well…wats sweet, circular, & something Dumbledore loves?

**Weasley 7: ***rolls eyes*

**Granger: **…

**Malfoy: **LEMON DROPS!

"_NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Weasley 6:** o, but _we_ can't tell her?

**Granger: **was that…?

**Potter: **yes, he's been furious since earlier when he found out Snape 8 his last lemon drop

**Weasley 6:** & then he went 2 Snape and tried 2 get him 2 unscrew his neck!

**Malfoy:** & when he didn't, he smashed the whole Potions Department & Stunned Snape

**Weasley 7: **& now he's roaming the school 4 lemon drops

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"_NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Malfoy: **stop saying…the you-know-wat word!

**Granger: **…

Hermione walked into the common and was attacked by people hugging her.

"We thought you were a goner!" cried Ginny.

"I almost was," Hermione said, honestly. "I only was safe by diving behind a suit of armor."

Harry and Ron laughed.

"Looks like you've got catlike reflexes, 'Mione," complimented Ron. Hermione blushed.

"Yeah, not like Ron who's got dead catlike reflexes," joked Ginny. Everyone laughed and Ron's ears turned red.

"Well, it's been fun but I think I'm going to go to bed for the night," said Hermione. Everyone groaned and tried to keep her there. "No, really guys. If you want to talk go on WOL in a bit." She bid goodnight to Harry, Ron, and Ginny and walked upstairs.

**Albus has logged on**

**Albus:** lalalala lalalala ELMOS WORLD!

**Minerva:** Albus? r u sure ur ok?

**Albus: **Of course, y wouldn't I b? My pretty unicorn found me a lemon drop

**Minerva:** Um…Albus? There r no pretty unicorns in Hogwarts

**Albus:** LIAR! I ALSO ½ A GIANT TROLL DOING HOPSCOTCH W/ ME!

**Minerva: **the only time we had a troll was 6 yrs ago, Albus. ur hallucinating from lemon drop withdraw

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Albus has logged off**

**Scared has logged on**

**Minerva:** Hello, Miss Granger. How r u?

**Scared:** Pretty scared Professor. Professor Dumbledore only ran out of lemon drops once…

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

"SHUT UP!"

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Scared: **…and it wasn't pretty. hoo just yelled 'shut up'?

**Minerva: **I think Professor Snape. He was pretty irritated when we revived him

**Terrified has logged on**

**Terrified: **I'd b irritated 2 if the headmaster asked me 2 slit open my throat & then Stunned me when I didn't

**Scared: **Ginny?

**Terrified: **ya

**Minerva has logged off**

**Frightened has signed on**

**Petrified has signed on**

**Scared: **Ron?

**Petrified: **'Mione?

**Terrified: **Ron?

**Petrified: **Ginny?

**Frightened: **Harry!

**Scared, Petrified, and Terrified: **HARRY!

**Frightened: **Sorry, thought we were doing introductions

**Terrified: ***rolls eyes* u would think tht

**Frightened: ***pouts adorably* so, I take it I'm not the only one who's scared of Dumbledore?

**Terrified:** *thinks; so not adorable* :D

**Frightened:** :'(

**Scared: **4 the record, I'm the 1 hoo's scared. ur frightened!

**Petrified: **I nvr thought I'd c the day when Hermione Granger acted stupid

**Scared: **I resent tht! u act stupid evryday!

**Petrified: **1 of my many amazing traits

**Terrified: **r u naturally annoying or do u ½ 2 work it?

**Frightened: **u tell us! uve been living w/ him 4 the past 16 years. We've only known him 4 6 of those

**Terrified: **True. We always did wonder wat was wrong w/ him. The Healer still hasn't gotten the results bak

**Scared: **lmao, I've g2g. Tired

**Scared has logged off**

**Terrified: **I've g2g 2

**Terrified has logged off**

**Frightened and Petrified: **Woman


	7. Breakfast

**Disclaimer:** If you still don't realize it by now, let me reiterate: _I do not own it._

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 7 – Breakfast

**HG has signed on**

**Beastlyboy:** 'Mione?

**HG:** Seriously, Harry? Beastlyboy?

**Beastlyboy:** The name Potter nvr caught on

**HG:** I doubted it evr would

**Beastlyboy:** *ignores* is dumbly-dore bak 2 norms?

**HG:** … No, Prof. McGonagall went on a quest 4…

**DracoLord:** DON'T. SAY. IT! He'll freak out again!

**HG:** …Lemon Drops

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"_NOOOOOOO!"_

"SHUT _UP!"_

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Weasley7 has signed on**

**Weasley6 has signed on**

**Weasley6:** Dumbledore then Snape?

**DracoLord:** Pretty much. Granger here decided 2 ignore wat I said & went on 2 say lemon drops…

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"_NOOOOOO!"_

"SHUT _UP!"_

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Weasley7:** So…wat else r we tlkin about?

**HG:** not a hek of a lot

**Weasley6:** let's tlk about ponies & how pretty they r

**Beastlyboy:** ooh, I 3 ponies! I had 1 dancing in my bed last nite

**Weasley7:** … Harry…tht was –

**Weasely6:** DON'T SAY IT! THIS CONVERSATION IS OVR!

**Weasley7:** *grins*

**Beastlyboy:** *grins*

**DracoLord:** *pukes* I am still here u no

**HG:** *shakes head*

**Beastlyboy:** o yea, well mayb u wouldn't b so uncomfortable ron if 'Mione –

**HG has signed off**

**Weasley7 has signed off**

**Beastlyboy has signed off**

**Weasley6:** if she did wat? WAT? IF SHE DID WAT HARRY?

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Harry ran out of the Great Hall with Hermione on his trail, threatening to hex him into next year. Ginny chased after them and Ron just stared at his handheld in confusion. It was 10 minutes later when he understood and growled, getting up and joining the chase.

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A/N: Please review!


	8. Gryffindor Common Room

**Disclaimer:** Nope, don't own it.

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 8 – Gryffindor Common Room

7:00 PM

**HG has signed on**

**Sniper has signed on**

**Redhead7 has signed on**

**HG:** Ginny?

**Redhead7:** Hey 'Mione. Harry, is tht u?

**Sniper:** Sí, señorita

**Redhead7:** Since when do u _hablas_ _español_?

**HG:** & wat does ur name mean?

**Sniper:** 1) Since 4eva! 2) I don't know. I hear people saying 'Snipe' a lot. I think it's a diss

**HG:** …

**Redhead7:** But ur not speechless 'Mione. I can c u rolling ur eyes rite now!

**Sniper:** *snorts* Did McGonagall find any lemon drops yet?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"_YESSSSSSS!"_

"SHUT _UP!"_

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Redhead7:** … Apparently

**Michael Jackson has signed on**

**Michael Jackson:** Wat was tht?

**Sniper: ***gasps* OMFG! MICHAEL JACKSON IS ALIVEEEEE!

**Sniper has signed off**

"In other news, Michael Jackson is _not_ dead," said Lee Jordan (**A/N: Yes, I **_**know**_** he graduated! So?**).

**HG:** y Ron? _y?_

**Michael Jackson:** Wat? I'm channeling my inner pop star!

I've even mastered his grabbing of –

**Redhead7 has signed off**

**HG:** …

**HG has signed off**

**Michael Jackson:** It's just a Thriller!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

9:00 PM

**Sniper has signed on**

**Redhead7 has signed on**

**HG has signed on**

**Sniper: sends file to Redhead7 and HG**

**Redhead7:** wat the bloody f-ing hell _is_ this?

**HG:** … Ronald is _still_ channeling his inner pop star?

**Sniper:** Yupperz

**Lady Gaga has signed on**

**Lady Gaga:** hey ya'll

**HG:** … Ronald, there r so many things wrong w/ u

**Redhead7:** ur just realizing this?

**Lady Gaga:** ra ra ra ra ra roma romama ga ga ooh lala

**DracoLord has signed on**

**BJ has signed on**

**DracoLord:** seriously, Weasley? Lady Gaga?

**Lady Gaga:** I WANT UR BAD ROMANCE!

**BJ:** *cough*freak*cough*

**Lady Gaga:** least my name isn't perverted!

**Lady Gaga has signed off**

**Sniper:** NO! MA WIFE!

**Sniper has signed off**

**Redhead7:** *sighs*

**Redhead7 has signed off**

**HG:** & then there were 3

**BJ:** … wat was Weasley tlking about?

**DracoLord:** ur name _is_ kinda perverted…

**BJ:** it stands 4 biggest joker…wat do u think it means?

**DracoLord:** … Granger, this is ur expertise…u tell him

**HG:** no, I'm good. Best of luck!

**HG has signed off**

**BG:** Y IS EVERY1 SAYING MY NAME IS PERVERTED?

**DracoLord:** *slaps virtual head* *whispers meaning of acronym to BJ*

**BJ:** *face palm*

**BJ has signed off**

**DracoLord has signed off**

**Lemon Drop King:** I'm beginning to think we should give a mandatory sex-ed class…

**Minnie:** o rely? & hoo do u suggest teach it? U? the person w/ limited experience…Filus? The person hoo has _his_ messed up b/c of ur prank? Not me, tht's for sure!

**Lemon Drop King:** …I was act. Thinking Severus

**Snapester:** NO, I object!

**Lemon Drop King:** Overruled! ur the teacher & the 1st class will b after dinner Friday nite.

**Snapester has logged off**

**Minnie:** … u know we're not in court, rite?

**Lemon Drop King:** :P

**Minnie has signed off**

**Lemon Drop King has signed off**

A/N: Please review!


	9. Common Room Again

**Disclaimer:** Nope, I don't own _anything!_

**Wizards Online**

By LilyxJames4ever

Chapter 9 – Common Room Again

**Sniper has signed on**

**HxGx17 has signed on**

**Purebloodmania has signed on**

**Sniper:** I'm so bored

**HxGx17:** Good. Then y don't u begin bi changing ur ridiculous name?

**Sniper:** *le gasp* nvr!

**Purebloodmania:** I can't believe u made me change both of my names

**HxGx17:** The news media was goin ballistic! Dumbledore had 2 write so many letters explaining that he is _still_ dead and tht Lady Gaga _is not a Witch_

**Purebloodmania:** *shrugs*

**Littlered has signed on**

**Littlered:** Wats the matter Ron? No stupid comment 2nite?

**Purebloodmania:** I'm 2 tired 2 think of anything ½ decent

**Sniper:** OHH NOOO! IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCOLYPSE! RUN!

**Sniper has signed off**

Harry ran out of the room and up the boys' dormitory stairs. Hermione and Ron just rolled their eyes.

**HxGx17:** Where r u, Gin?

**Littlered:** In my dorm. U guys?

**Purebloodmania:** In the common room

**Littlered:** Oo. I'll leave u 2 it then

**Littlered has signed off**

**Purebloodmania:** she's not exactly the most subtle person we no…

**HxGx17:** wat did u expect? She's related 2 u

**Purebloodmania has signed off**

**PPatil1 has signed on**

**PPatil2 has signed on**

**LBxRW has signed on**

**PPatil1:** hey Hermione

**HxGx17:** parvati?

**PPatil1:** yupz

**HxGx17:** I'm guessing **PPatil2** is Padma and **LBxRW** is Lavender?

**LBxRW:** how'd u no?

**HxGx17:** it doesn't take a rocket scientist 2 figure _tht_ 1 out

**LBxRW:** *smirks* jealous?

**HxGx17:** not particularly, I mean, Ronald doesn't even lyk u anymore

**LBxRW has signed off**

**PPatil2:** I thought she'd nvr leave

**HxGx17:** rnt u friends w/ her?

**PPatil1:** no, I am

**PPatil2:** I can't stand her

**HxGx17:** tht's nice of u

**HxGx17 has signed off**

**PPatil1 has signed off**

**PPatil2 has signed off**

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hermione left the chatroom and checked the notice board on her iPad. She was shocked to find a notice from Professor Dumbledore. It was about a new class they would be having starting tomorrow night after dinner.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Posted by:** Albus Percevial Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

**Last edited:** 6:00 PM

**To:** Hogwarts' 7th years

**About:** New Sex-ed class

**Post:** _It has come to my attention that the 7__th__ years (not as a whole) are not as informed as they should be about proper terminology and the idea of the opposite sex. This is why starting tomorrow night after dinner we will begin having classes to teach you all about it. The first few classes will be co-ed and then single sex so you can open up more to your select teacher._

_The teacher for the co-ed will be Professor Snape._

_Thank you and please report to the Great Hall by 8:00 tomorrow night._

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hermione could not help but laugh at the thought of Professor Snape teaching a class like this one was bound to be. Professor Dumbledore must have made him against his own will because no way in hell would he have done it if given the choice.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**HxGx17 has signed on**

**Thatfatkidharry:** hey 'Mione

**Rweasley031:** hey 'Mione

**HxGx17:** Harry, wat did u do 2 ur name?

**Thatfatkidharry:** I've cum 2 accept tht I'm fat

**HxGx17:** … ur not fat all

**Rweasley031:** HOW WOULD U NO?

**HxGx17:** … any1 hoo has evr _looked_ him could tell u tht

**Rweasley031:** WAT DOES _THT_ MEAN?

**Thatfatkidharry:** it means tht evry nite…

**HxGx17:** o 4 Merlin's sake! Harry wth is wrong w/ u?

**Thatfatkidharry:** *grins*

**HxGx17:** *sighs* _anyway_, ½ u guys seen the message posted by Prof. Dumbledore?

**Thatfatkidharry:** yea, he's finally gone off his rocker

**Rweasley031:** dumbles has a rocket ship?

**Thatfatkidharry:** …

**HxGx17:** …

**Gweasley811 has signed on**

**Gweasley811:** hey guys, did u c dumbledore's post?

**Thatfatkidharry:** yupperz. 'mione just asked us the same thing

**Gweasley811:** tht's nice. Where ru guys ?

**Thatfatkidharry:** 'mione's giving ron a lap…

**HxGx17:** HARRY POTTER!

**Rweasley031:** a lap…wat?

**Thatfatkidharry has signed off**

**HxGx17 has signed off**

**Gweasley811:** *whispers meaning in idiot's ear*

**Rweasley031:** HARRY!

**Rweasley031 has signed off**

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Harry ran around the common room dodging Ron and Hermione's curses and ran out of the common room down the corridors.

"That got rid of him," smirked Hermione.

"That bloody git," muttered Ron, plopping down on the couch again.

"Good, so we're on the same page."

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A/N: Please review!


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